Tragic Flaw
by InsideMyBrain
Summary: As Haruhi boards a train to the airport, Kaoru reflects on their ruined relationship. One shot. Follow-up now added.
1. Tragic Flaw

I sigh and cup my face in my hands. Everything is falling apart. My world is literally crashing.

I feel the tears touching my hands and they tingle. My hands are red and raw from hitting the wood of the table in front of me. It's cracked in two places. Mom's going to kill me.

Okay, maybe it's not that big of a deal. But it feels like it. Her, my first love, my girlfriend Haruhi Fujioka broke up with me and announced her plans to leave Japan.

Where is she now, you ask? On a train. On a train to the airport. To catch her flight to Boston, which leaves in two hours and thirty-nine minutes exactly.

You may also be wondering why our relationship ended the way it did. But for me to answer that, we need to go all the way back to the beginning.

 _"Haruhi, Haruhi!" I called, the knot in my stomach tighter than ever. She turned around, brown hair swishing, doe eyes blinking innocently. The light from the open windows and the chandelier shone upon her in such a way that it made me catch my breath._ God, she really is beautiful. _I thought._ And maybe, just maybe, in a few minutes, she'll be mine.

 _Her face lit up in a smile. "Kaoru!" I slowed down and walked, forcing myself to remain calm. My shoes clicked on the polished tiles and I saw my reflection in them as well. Ginger hair parted to the side, amber eyes wide. I looked scared. I twitched my mouth into a more normal expression and tried to release the tension in my shoulders. As I approached, she said, "I've been waiting forever."_

 _I forced myself to smile. "Sorry about that. I got, um, held up."_

 _"So, why did you ask me to meet you here?" She asked. I looked up from the floor and for the first time I saw that a slight blush had crossed her face. It gave me hope._ Maybe there is some method in this madness...

 _Well, it was now or never. "I wanted to ask you if you would like to go on a date with me. Like, date me." Jesus, that came out sounding horrible!_

 _She looked shocked for a moment, then she smiled again. "Kaoru, why didn't you ask earlier? I would have said yes. I'm saying yes now."_

 _Relief flooded my body and I must have looked it because she laughed and said, "You were really nervous about asking me."_

 _I nodded then decided to be brave. I'd asked Haruhi out, now I would take it one step further. I leaned forward, and very hesitantly, kissed her._

 _It couldn't have lasted long, just four or five seconds. Counting like one Mississippi, two Mississippi. Believe me, I counted. I replayed that kiss in my mind at least a trillion times. Savouring the feeling of relief and happiness and most of all love. It was my first kiss._

Since that first kiss, I've had so many more kisses with her. And every single one revoked all the feelings of that first one.

I know what you're thinking. _Ugh this is so gross and cliche I'm going to kill someone_ and yeah. I guess you could say that's what our relationship was like. Cliche.

We dated for two years, the remainder of our time in high school after it was revealed she was a girl. And when she got accepted into that prestigious school in Boston, I was going to go with her. Until... Now.

Goddamn it, everything was perfect. I loved Haruhi so much and now she's gone. I could pursue her, I still have the plane ticket. But I won't, I'll just make her unhappy. And I would never want to do that.

To revise what I said before, no, everything was not perfect. Everything was perfect with me. I had a beautiful girlfriend, I was getting good grades and what else does a teen need in his life? It's just... Haruhi wasn't happy.

She always _seemed_ happy, so I never suspected she was anything but that. Because I was so wrapped up in my own happiness, I never noticed that there were little things that I did that made her feel bad.

Like this...

 _Haruhi came out of the room dressed in an adorable pink dress, probably something her dad had picked out for her to wear for our date. I could feel myself grinning like an idiot, but the smile slowly faded as my eyes came to rest upon the hem of her dress._

That dress is too short, _I thought. I had- and still have- a really bad habit of just saying everything that runs in my head._ Don't say it, just don't say it... _I told myself._

 _"That dress is too short." I said._

 _Well, ah shit, it just came out._

 _Her shy smile was gone in an instant, as though someone had slapped her. And come to think of it, in a way, I had. "Why do you always have an opinion on everything I wear." She asked wearily. It wasn't even a question anymore, not even a rhetorical one. It was simply stating a fact._

 _I started to apologize but she cut me off and said, "No, forget it. Let's go."_

 _Ten minutes later, I had forgotten all about it and we were having a really nice time on our date. When I dropped her off, my eye fell to that hem again and I said, "I'm really sorry, Haruhi. You do look beautiful."_

 _Then she smiled sadly and said "Thank you," although I could tell it was still bothering her. So I leaned in to give her a kiss and that spark of love happened again like I mentioned before._

That's just one instance, but really it happened all the time. Once again, I couldn't hold it in, and I hurt her. And that's my tragic flaw without a doubt.

The next time I saw her, she was wearing her normal attire: jogging pants and a sweat shirt. But I was fine with that, because it might reduce the chance that another boy might see she was beautiful.

You see, after all those years too close to Hikaru, and only a few years being a normal social person, I had some major insecurities. If Haruhi even looked at another boy I got extremely paranoid that she didn't like me anymore. I like to think this made me try harder to be a better boyfriend, but now I realize it just made me a prick.

But nothing I do now will fix it, will it? She's already on that train. She's travelling far, far away from me, and fast. Honestly I don't blame her.

I am so selfish. I really am.

 _"Haruhi?" I asked, after twenty minutes of staring at her reading a book. She was so cute when she was concentrating, even if it was on something so mundane as homework. "You love me, right?"_

 _She looked up. "Of course I do. What brought this on?"_

 _"Nothing, nothing." I lied. It was better than saying_ oh you know, just my fucking insecurity striking at precisely the wrong moment. _Haruhi knew I was insecure, though. She put her hand on mine and said, "If you're ever feeling insecure, know that I'll always be here to say I love you."_

 _Damn it, I really loved that girl._

Her reassuring words were always the cure. And I took it for granted. I am such a dick, so selfish. Really I don't know how I can live with myself.

The door to my bedroom creaks open. I know it's Hikaru, but I don't turn around. I just feel like wallowing in my sorrows right now, thank you very much.

A sigh. A tapping of the foot. I turn around. "What?!"

"Nothing. Just came to see if you were okay." He casually lopes into the room, starts poking in my dresser. I want to scream _GET OUT_ but for some reason that seems like a bad idea right now. So I sigh, roll my eyes and say, "Of course I'm okay, Hikaru. Everything is fucking dandy."

He sits on the bed. "Yeah, I can tell. Is that why you punched a hole in the table?"

I sniffle and wipe my eyes like a child, turning away from him again. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay." He says slowly. "When you're ready." Like our mother. God.

He starts walking away, reaches the door, pauses. "Oh, Kaoru?" I turn around. "Whaaat?!"

He holds up a piece of paper. "I found this on the floor in the living room. I think she must have written her phone number then ripped it out. Funny she didn't toss it in the garbage though." Hikaru smirks and flicks the paper in the air. I scramble to catch it before it hits the ground, like the dirt on our bedroom floor will infect this sacred phone number.

 _617-245-0679,_ is all the paper says on it. I read it over and over again. When I finally look up, Hikaru is gone.

Maybe I should call her. Have a talk about why things went wrong. I know what was wrong on my part. But I feel like if I do that, all we'll do is fight. If I really want to talk, we should talk in person.

But again, we can't do that. Or can we? I still have my plane ticket to Boston. But following her there will be creepy. I just want to talk. Which means I'll have to meet her at the airport.

I stand up, renewed energy in my once stiff limbs. I really want to be the good guy. Actually, scratch that I _am_ the good guy. And now, if she says something that bothers me, even just a tad, I will hold in my comments instead of hurting her feelings.

I rush out of the room. Hikaru's standing in the hallway, evidently spying on me. I don't mind though. I need his help. I snag his arm as I walk past. "Bring the car around, and someone order me a bunch of red roses!" I call to any staff that might be listening. "Yes, Hitachiin-sama." Says a maid. Someone gives an order to the butler, who goes to retrieve the limousine.

"You thought of a plan?" Hikaru asks.

"A brilliant one." I reply.

"Card or no card, Hitachiin-sama?" A maid questions, cupping her hand over the mouthpiece of the phone. "Card." I reply. "Make it say, 'I love you, I'm really sorry and I want to make things work'."

She reports this to the person on the other end, then asks, "And delivered to where?"

"Airport, flight 2111, seat 26F." I recite from memory. "If they protest, say we're the Hitachiins!" I say, seeing the look of confusion on her face.

"Alright, what do you need me for, little bro?" Hikaru asks, grinning.

I whisper the plan into his ear. "We should get going then." He says. The car comes up the drive and we bolt, shoving ourselves inside and gasping. "To the airport!" I yell triumphantly, and Hikaru fist-bumps me. The car speeds off and I'm filled with excitement, nervousness, and also sheer terror. The exact mix of emotions I felt when I asked her out for the first time.

Our driver must not be going the legal speed limit, because we arrive there way too fast. Hikaru and I jump out of the backseat and navigate our way through the confusing airport, until we finally get to Haruhi's gate. I see her, just sitting there, staring off into space. It was not so long ago that I last saw her, but it seems like forever. All thoughts of the plan banished, I make my way over to her purposefully.

Hikaru notices me and says, "Hey! What about the plan?" Causing Haruhi to look up and see me. She groans. I reach her and get down on one knee. Of course.

I don't really know what to say. I've seen a dozen movies like this, but I've never been the one to play the hero and stop the girl from boarding a train and leaving. So I just say whatever runs through my head.

"Haruhi, I know you hate me and you have every right to, just let me speak. I am a prick. I know that. I accept it. And I accept that I will not be anymore. I always loved you so much, but I never saw that I was hurting you. I'm telling you I will change that. I love you and I want you to give me another chance. Please?"

She waits some time before speaking, so long actually that I think I might have a heart attack from the suspense.

It's long, drawn-out, and very hesitant. But I do get my answer.

"...I'll... Yes. I'll give you another chance."

I've been clasping my hands so hard they have marks in them from where my fingernails dug into my skin. I release them, and suddenly I'm shaking. I start to cry and I collapse in her arms. And then we have our first kiss since she left.

It's sweaty and desperate and tastes like tears but I feel that thing again, that thing where all I feel is relief and happiness and love.

She pulls away and says, "You worded that beautifully. I love you too."

We hug and all I can think is, _If I hadn't said what was running through my head, I might have blown it. I just said everything that ran through my head._

 _Maybe my tragic flaw wasn't such a flaw after all._


	2. Believe

**It's been a hell of a long time since I first posted the original one shot. I'm sure ZetaisZade, who asked for this follow-up, thought I forgot about it. What happened was I wrote half of it on my phone, which I then promptly lost. Good job, me. Anyway, enjoy, as always!**

* * *

Believe

I sigh and cup my head in my hands as the train I'm riding rattles its way to the airport.

I don't feel ready for this at all. I'm about to go to Boston for university, which is halfway across the world from Japan. It's going to be so strange and different, and worse now because my boyfriend Kaoru Hitachiin isn't coming.

I should say ex-boyfriend, since I broke up with him in a note before grabbing my bags and heading to the train station.

I feel so guilty for it, that's an awful way to break up with someone. But I didn't have the heart to do it to his face. I recall what I wrote in the note.

 _Kaoru,_

 _I don't exactly know how to say this, but I don't think we can be together anymore. I just think that, going to university in Boston, I'll be better off without you._

 _I'll do my best not to think about you, and you should do the same for me._

 _Haruhi_

Looking back on it, it was cruel. I breifly consider calling him at the airport and explaining everything, but I don't think I can do it. It would be worse than breaking up with him in person.

I try and figure it out in my head, how would I explain that to him? That I was wrong and I need him here.

My father has always said I have a gift for words, but i can never say exactly what I mean around Kaoru. He has the opposite problem.

I remember a time, one of many, when he blurted out exactly what was on his mind at that exact time.

 _"Haruhi, what's that?" He asked, looking down at my box. I had the leftovers from last night, things I packed every day._

 _"Just some kayu." I replied._

 _"Isn't that some weird commoner food that only the poorest eat?" He said, cocking his head in confusion._

Damn rich bastards, _I thought, annoyed. All the boys in the host club were constantly making comments about my social status, and I was used to it. But on that particular day it pissed me off even more._

 _Kaoru, seeing I was offended, immediately started apologizing. We might have kissed had senpai not dragged us apart, screaming at Kaoru for molesting his little girl._

I smile as I think of that blond moron. I wonder where he's going for university, he never told me. He almost did, but then Kyoya-senpai looked at him with those glasses flashing and that shut him right up.

Thinking about the host club gives me a small ache. I remember our first year together, when everything was new and innocent. When no one knew my gender and I still had to pay back the money for that vase. When I had no idea of the feelings that almost every boy in the host club harboured for me.

When Kaoru and I first started dating, they all confessed. Hikaru, Tamaki, and even Mori-senpai. It was flattering, in a way, but I hated turning them all down. Funny, because at the height of my popularity in the host club I had to turn down girls almost weekly. But turning the boys down affected me more.

The train screeches into the station, and I get out, lugging my three bags around as I try to navigate the airport. It's confusing, and I've never flown before, and I find myself wishing Kaoru was here to help me.

But no, he isn't. And he won't be. But part of me doesn't believe that.

I stop walking for a moment, take in the size of this airport, and groan.

But then again, he could come. He's stubborn as hell and he could be here to persuade me to stay or come with me.

Unless he believes me. Unless he believes what I wrote in the note. Unless he believes that I truly don't need him, and that I won't be thinking about him at all.

But if he does believe those things, then he never really knew me at all.

 _Please, Kaoru,_ I make a silent prayer, _jusr tell me that you still believe._

I then take my bags and keep going.

I know I can't undo the things that have been done. And I know Kaoru can't unsay all the things he's said. And I know there's more to people than their mistakes.

So is it me, or is it him? Maybe I'm the one doing everything wrong, taking everything the wrong way. I know I'm so blind when we don't agree. So maybe it is me all the time.

I finally manage to navigate my way to the baggage check. I get in line. The woman in front of me is hanging onto the man beside her and whispering something into his ear. They both giggle. I look away.

I curse myself out, wishing I had the courage to talk to Kaoru about our problems. Instead, I panicked and scribbled a note for him before running away. If that isn't the most cowardly thing do to, I don't know what is.

It's too late now to turn around, however. I have to keep on going. I can't turn back. I've worked for this future for so long, I can't throw it away because I made a stupid mistake.

I think back to the note again. I had, after much consideration, written what is to be my new number on the bottom of the paper. Then I read it over again, and tore out the phone number. I regret it now.

I'm up next for the bags, and I put my carry-on onto the tray along with my cell phone.

"Your necklace?" One of the guards says. I look down and see the butterfly pendant twinkling on my chest. I forgot I was wearing it. Memories spring to my mind.

 _"Happy anniversary." Kaoru said shyly, presenting me with a small box._

 _"You didn't have to get me something, you know." I told him._

 _He looked excited. "Open it."_

 _I untied the ribbon and lifted the top off the box. Inside was the necklace, silvery and beautiful. "Kaoru, this is too expensive. I can't accept this."_

 _"Of course you can. Let me put it on you."_

 _"You shouldn't have spent so much." I mumbled, feeling guilty._

 _He ignored my protests, slipped it over my head and did the clasp. "There. It looks great." He was smiling, pleased with himself. I managed a half smile._

 _"It makes me nervous, wearing this." I touched it. The light hit it and it glinted into my eyes. "I don't want to lose it."_

 _"You won't, you're always careful." Kaoru reassured me. That was true. In all my years in school, I had never even lost a single paper._

 _"Well, thank you." I leaned in to kiss him._

"Miss?"

"Huh?" I jump. The guard has snapped me out of my flashback. "Er, right." I remove the necklace and put it in the bin. My stomach flips around as I watch it go through the scanner. I walk through the metal detector, and having passed, I take my things and head to the gate.

I'm waiting for them to call coach when I hear running footsteps. Then I hear a familiar voice call, "Hey! What about the plan?"

My head shoots up and I see the Hitachiin brothers, Kaoru walking towards me. I don't know how to react. It feels like it's been years since we last talked. Kaoru reaches me and kneels down. The first thing that comes to mind is, _he better not be proposing._

He isn't. He's apologizing. He apologizes for everything, for saying the things he did and doing the things he did. He finishes up with, "I love you and I want you to give me another chance. Please?"

At that moment, I realize I can't do it. I can't board this plane without him. I'd always be wondering, for the rest of my life, what happened to my high school boyfriend. And I don't want to live with that regret for the rest of my life.

I give my yes, and I can see the relief washing over him. He collapses and we kiss.

We've kissed hundreds of times. But this kiss is something different, something special. It makes me see how much I love him.

I've learned something from this. Always communicate with your partner. Never break up with someone without an explanation. But most of all, believe.


End file.
